I just need to be unemployed and underwhelmed by people and the world in general for a while and it puts me in a strange state. Not wholly depressed, more like devoid of emotions. The emotion I am closest to feeling right now is disappointment followed by indifference. The thing about being in this state is that it makes it possible to pretty much do anything I want because I don’t care much about the consequences.
I had the realization that everything was open to me in this state. My true nature which is at times too odd for even my own comfort, is coming out. I am not worried about scaring people away by acting weird. I feel like my mind is disassociated from my body. I have no desire to improve anything, or to do anything except explain how it feels to be in this state. I guess I am indulging being an eccentric. Listening to a lot of Pere Ubu, the Residents and other electrically made music that has an avante garde slant…
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I am starting to lose a little bit of this fight. Oh, I now believe this has become a fight for my sanity! I am in a struggle with my intellectual self and my base self (animal self) My base usually wins, with it’s weapons of hunger and sexual cravings… One of those two usually snaps me out of my head. But right now they aren’t having an effect. Maybe it’s because I have just eaten half a pizza and the thought of love is a repulsively stomach-churning idea to me.
I don’t think I strike people as a cynic when they meet me, or even after they know me for sometime. But I don’t have what most would call a very high opinion of the human condition. I think that our environment has a lot to do with our behavior and ideas about honor, fidelity, altruism, compassion etc. are merely ways to navigate through life with the fewest obstacles. We do what we need and want to do, sometimes that includes being faithful, noble, compassionate etc. but it just as easily (and does just as much as the other) involves cheating, lying, and being cruel to get what we want. There is no innate nature for humans, just as animals (because we are animals). Humans just have the onus of having this intellect that makes us question our motives. Dogs never question their motives. I take this point of view and relish the idea that I choose to live a happy thoughtful, honest, faithful, compassionate life knowing that it’s not because I am a good person(I don’t think good or bad really exist the way we frame them) but because I am a happy person! Happiness certainly does exist, and living that way is the easiest way to live. But that requires me to care how interact with others, and they with me. In this state I have lost my ability to care what others think of me and what I think of them.
I have lost motivation.
It’s been a while since I have spent a good amount of time in a coffee shop. I am reminded of my college days where I spent the better part of a day “working” on my computer while surreptitiously people watching. I would always develop a powerful attraction to at least one of the doe-eyed, sun-dress wearing, bang sporting Katies that would be mixed in with the punks and hipsters. Katie is usually the perfect name to describe the kind of thoughtful yet playful beauty that you’d find in such a place.
Well, it’s happening again. After such a long time I thought my ability to withstand the pull of a hot Katie would have waned, but no. It is a little comforting actually. It is a feeling of unattainable infatuation, and the fact that I have no intention of acting upon this attraction relaxes me, and makes my heart ache at the same time! Ah! Makes me feel shy and confused but happy to be that way.
I guess I have come to understand that my happiness does not depend on my ability to walk over to a hot Katie and tell her I think she is attractive. But, just to sit back and enjoy the secret imaginary love that we will share in my mind is enough for me. And that’s the difference between the me now and the me 5-6 years ago.
I call it progress people.
More of my life story for your reading pleasure. So. I’m in Utah. And it’s beautiful! After I finally leave the smog of SLC and Provo the air clears up and the mountains and plains are tall, flat (respectively) and both distinctly lovely. I stop in a little town called Mona where I stay the night with my friend Ryan Keyt. I met him at Burning Man. He’s a real stand up guy. The next day we go to a relative of his birthday party… they are 4, I think. But it’s still fun, no boozing or dancing but talking with nice people and relaxing at the foot of the mighty mount Nebo. That night we have drinks and get out of control. I regain my control but he has to call in sick to work the next day.
I leave him to sober up and drive to Zion National Park. Wonderful drive. Beautiful park. I drove through the canyon and got out and hiked for a little bit. But I had to be in Vegas that night and I wanted it to be light for most of my trip. So I leave during sunset, and it was perfect.
I make it into Vegas and park at Caesar’s. Most casinos have free parking so you will have to walk through the building to get in and out. Luckily, I hate gambling. So non of this works on me. I just want to look around at the spectacle. It sure is bright and shiny. And I saw more cowboy hats then anywhere else I have been.
Funny thing happened while I was there. I was just wandering around on the streets, real random like. When I run into my friend Marnee Gunn. I know her from Burning Man as well. We have a history of running into each other without looking to. But she doesn’t live in Las Vegas. She was there with the band she manages, March Forth, because they were playing the after party of this music festival conference. So, I get backstage passes. And stay up till the wee hours. Go to the after party of the after party in a James Bond Suit at the Planet Hollywood hotel and casino. And it was going to be the only place on my trip that I wasn’t going to meet up with a friend of mine.
So that’s where I will leave this for now. Next time… I finally make it to LA! well, Glendale…
I have a an idea about cats that is sometimes unpopular. Here, listen.
I think some people confuse cats utter lack of intelligence for supreme intelligence. I think cats are mostly a jumble of well honed instincts and they have little control over their actions. When a cat lover remarks that when cats chose not to do certain things its a sign that they are smart for not listening to us. but no, it’s because they are dumb and didn’t understand us. I mean, if you follow a laser dot around with that much enthusiasm, just to find out that you cannot actually catch it and then STILL not stop chasing it after you have made this discovery hundreds of times… I don’t believe there is any thought process there. Just pure instinct. Cats are not smart, so there. This doesn’t mean I don’t like cats, I love’em. But I think they are not smart like (most) dogs, keas, and pigs… mmm pigs.
That brings me to another point. I love the taste of pig. All parts as far as I can tell are very tasty. It does make me feel a little weird that they are as smart, or smarter than a lot of dogs. But unlike my roommate(Doni Carly), I will not eat a dog. Because I don’t think I could kill a dog (unless it was trying to kill me) and I don’t eat what I am not willing to kill. I like cows, but I have no problem killing one and eating it. But the intelligence of an animal does play a little role in how I think about them in relation to me. The smarter they are, the closer I feel to them. I can connect to dogs on a level above most animals, I have never tried to connect to a pig… maybe I’m afraid to… I have a deep connection with ducks, so they are off limits for eating. Maybe if I do the same with pigs I will have to stop eating bacon! But I never enjoyed duck like I have ribs and ham and sausage etc… Yes pigs are smart, but I still feel like I could kill one, still on the menu!
So, based on all that I probably couldn’t eat a cat either. But they are still stupid.
Back with a vengeance! I’m here to continue the story of my life. Thanks for listening.
I come into Utah just as the sun is fading behind the snowy mountains. It is dark by the time I reach Salt Lake City. My friend Kyla Mullen is ready for my arrival with a rich dark beer! It is a welcome sight indeed! Her place is one room with a loft and a large closet. Under her loft is the bathroom/shower. It isn’t a bathroom with a shower in it, it’s a shower with a toilet and sink in it. Pretty cozy. I sleep in the closet, and it’s actually better than my last few nights that were spent on air mattresses. Kyla has a warm and generous nature, she always makes me feel better, even if I didn’t know I was feeling bad. So it feels very good to be there. She has plans for us. We go out to a local radio stations Christmas party.
But first. You must know this. Kyla Mullen is perhaps the Best Dancer EVER!
I met her at Burning Man in 2008. And once she is on the dance floor NO ONE I have ever seen has been able to match her energy, her positivity, and her originality. It is a wonderful combination that makes anyone she dances with the happiest person in the room.
So, to get back to my story, see… We go out to this Christmas party, and tear up the dance floor. We find some other Burning Man alums and they invite us to a bar for an after party. The bar is filled with Burner type people. People I honestly did not expect to see in SLC. It’s packed in there and there is a big dance floor that is almost too crowded. This is the bars weekly dubstep night and so there are all the area’s DJs playing some pretty good stuff. Of course by the end of the evening a circle forms around Kyla. I am dancing with her, but they weren’t stopping to look at me, oh no.
We leave there and get a taco, I think. I’m not driving so things are a little hazy at this point.
The next day we wake up and try to catch Apollo Anton Ohno at a book signing, but we were too late. We eat lunch at an Indian place that is delightful, find some gay porn in a public news bin, go to a library etc.. We take a relaxing nap and then part ways til the evening again. I try to drive up into the mountains to see the sunset. Oh, I forgot to mention that throughout the entire day the mountains are invisible because the smog is so bad. I had no idea smog could be that thick! It actually gave me a minor headache the whole time I was there. It was bad.
I kinda make it up to the mountains and see a nice sunset from my car window. Later that evening I meet Kyla at her friends birthday party where a good time is had by all. There is fondue and home made treats! Once again we dance, and it’s amazing. A push-up contest is had in the kitchen, Bel Biv Devoe and Prince are played. good times.
The next day I say good bye to Kyla and head out into the great state of Utah.
Here’s a thing,
New feeling. I walk outside and eat a pickle I find on the ground. The pickle makes me go to sleep in the road and dream I am at the beach with a Little Dinosaur. The Little Dinosaur leaves me and walks into a trash can and travels to another world inhabited by Swedish fish and a baby octopus. The octopus is afraid the Milkman will come to take her away. She cries for Little Dinosaur to help her. The dinosaur agrees to protect her. The Swedish fish guard them as they swim to a safe place. The Snaggle Cat approaches LD (Little Dinosaur) with a proposition. He can assure the safety of the Octopus if LD will allow him to eat a fish.
LD cannot betray the fish and tells Snaggle to “piss off!”
Snaggle leaves defeated and comes to a trucker and hitches a ride downtown to tell the Milkman that he knows where the Octobaby is. The trucker is suspicious of the cat and questions him intensively on the ride into town. The Snaggle cannot take the annoying truck driver’s questions and jumps from the moving truck.
Back with the fish, LD finds a magic apple that he is sure will save Octobaby in the confrontation with Milkman.
Snaggle cannot pass up the opportunity to try and stalk a pigeon and when he captures the bird it magically transforms into a fairy and turns Snaggle into stuffed animal that resembles a monkey. Snaggle is told to think about the bad life he has lived and when he comes to a realization he will return to his true form. He walks off in shame.
In the city, not too far away, the Milkman is on a quest to add to his collection of babies. He goes around grabbing babies and putting them in bottles. He is walking on a straight path toward the Octobaby. LD sees this through the googly eyes of the magic apple. The Swedish fish decide to make everyone happy by staging a play about a stillborn pig with two heads. LD and the Octobaby sit in the first row as they are the guests of honor.
Mamma pig goes into labor and has 57 babies all covered in ketchup… (everyone laughs at this in the audience) LD remarks that the fish actors look nothing like pigs. Octobaby loves it. But wait! There is one more baby… number 58. He wasn’t supposed to be one, but two… I baby born with two heads… and neither one alive… (everyone cries at this point in the audience) LD remarks about how real pigs don’t have two heads like THAT no how! The two headed stillborn baby pig, called Hermen, is taken to the afterworld
Hermen wakes up in the afterworld and immediately asks too many questions. He asks himself why he is here, who he is and where did he come from. His two heads ask each other and neither believe what the other says. “He must be trying to put one over on me” Says head 1. “He must know how we got here! How else could we have gotten here if I have no recollection of moving. He must have come here.” Says head 2.
The citizens of the Afterworld try to tell Hermen that he is passed on to this world before he ever entered the other world… therefore has complete knowledge but no experience, which accounts for him being confused about his origins.
LD remarks that the afterworld is really much nicer than what the fish are trying to show us.
I roll over on my back as kids poke me with a stick. On the beach I tell the seagulls to “Piss Off!”
Act 94 Hermen, now the leader of the Pan Galactic counsel decides to invade Primeria to take back the sward of truth!
Everyone claps as it is now intermission.
LD and Octobaby go into the lobby and order a coke and some pretzels. They talk about how much they like the lighting for an unnaturally long time. Just then the magic apple rolls in to show LD some exciting news.
Before we get to see the news we go back to Snaggle-Monkey creature. He is sad and trying to hug many things. He holds on to a rooster for a while and gets pecked a bit and ends up on the pavement outside of a Jack n The Box.
The Milkman comes to the place where the Octobaby and LD have made their home. He senses the presence of baby… and follows his nose to the theater. The apple shows LD this and he nearly faints. He regains his composure just in time to hide the Octobaby behind him as the Milkman comes crashing through the roof.
LD tells the milkman he is” messing with the wrong dude!” the fish swarm the Milkman and LD kicks the magic apple at him. The apple hits him square in the head and opens a portal. I portal monster appears and sucks the milkman’s brains out. Then the portal closes and to the surprise of everyone there we see Snaggle laying on the street as the monkey… LD knows this is the way back to his world. He says goodbye to his friends and to the Octobaby who hugs him and cries. He jumps through the portal and lands on a rooster who is pecking at the Snaggle-Monkey. The rooster is yelling “you must remember me!”
LD tells him to “Piss Off!” and kicks him in the face.
LD falls backwards and lands on the monkeything. They melt together and turn back into me. I stand up and see people standing around me asking me if I am okay. I see my apartment and the piece of pickle in my hand. I throw the pickle as hard as I can and curse it’s kind. “Damn you sweet pickle!” I yell. I tell everyone I am fine and walk back through my gate.
I enter my room and sit on my bed and go to sleep.
So. It has been a while. I guess I have been focusing on other things instead of this blog. And where has that got me? Well, I am in Glendale at the moment, will be moving to Culver City on Feb. 1st or 2nd. Where I will begin my stay in LA.
But. How did I get here? Well. It’s a long and boring story so I will skip most of it. I drove a lot. My first stop was in Des Moines Iowa. I had a pleasant dinner with my friend Stefanie Toftey. Who is a fellow Tumblr. Here she is.
We walked the cold streets of Des Moines till we figured out there was a skywalk system. It was a little weird roaming around in a mostly deserted indoor walkway at night. So we went to her friends house in Ames and camped out in the living room. The next day was full of adventure! I mean. As close to adventure as one can get in those parts. We ate pizza and then sat in a coffee shop all day. It was great! And then we ate barbecue and were the last party to be served before they locked the doors… at 9pm. It was a school night I guess. And then we saw “Inception” A very good day indeed.
I was itching to get moving though. So instead of staying for salsa the next night I left for Colorado. It would be a 11.5 hour drive… so I will mention only this.
There is nothing to see in Nebraska.
Someone said Lincoln was a cool city. But I had no time for stops! I was on a mission! The flat nothingness of the Midwest gave way to the scary drivers of Denver. I made it there around 10 or 11pm and slept on the floor of an apartment where a friend of Stefanie lived. I did not tarry there long and left first thing in the morning.
I headed north to Wyoming because the weather looked bad on the western road. I had taken this road before with my sister back in 1999, I was helping her move from Green River back to NC.
I stopped in Green River for old times sake. It was terrible. That place is just dirty. Everything is dirt or rock. And it was hard to get back on the freeway, AND I spilled gasoline all over the inside of my hatch! So, for the rest of the journey, my car smelled like gasoline.
With my moonroof venting air to get rid of the gas fumes (even though it was 30 degrees outside) I came into Salt Lake City.
I will stop now as my lunch is calling me.
Next time on Strangethingshappen. Get ready for——- “Fun In Mormon land!?”
or—— “I thought there were mountains over there”..
Hello blogsphere. How ya doin’?
Today I tried to get a new car.
It didn’t quite happen, but the process is in motion. So on Monday, I will be the proud owner of a brand (almost) new car!
It’s a pontiac vibe.
I will then leave Chicago.
So far I have tried three different authentic/original deep dish pizza places.
I have maybe two or three more to go before I can make a definitive list but as it stands here they are in order last to first:
3. Gino’s East.
Good pizza but very pricey. They are VERY proud of the product. A little too proud. Good sauce, good toppings, but the crust was not the best. It was good, but compared to the other places Gino’s crust was average and too filling.
2. Pizzaria Uno
They are prepared for big crowds and high demand here and know how to deal with you. So for such a popular place it was a very relaxing experience. I got the pizza that made them famous, I don’t remember the name of it. It had a lot of onions and mushrooms and sausage on it. It was delightful! I shared it with Meagan, and I was worried that I would still be hungry afterward… and I was after eating my two slices, but luckily she couldn’t finish hers! So it worked out well. It met my expectations, which were very high, but it did not exceed them. But I left happy and satisfied.
Very very very good crust! It was a bit different than the other two deep dish styles, but so much more tasty! They call their style “stuffed” and they mean it. I split a large and still could only finish two slices. I should say more but the experience was almost ineffable.
So there you have it folks. like I said before, I have a few more places to go before I leave, so we shall see how the next batch stacks up.
Or I die of a heart attack, either or
Sometimes I don’t know when to combine words. Like the word sometimes, should I have written it that way? And, further more, should I’ve not contracted the words “I have” the first time I used them? It’s confusing folks.
Oh. I am getting a new car. Truck was totaled. I guess that’s the way it goes.
By this time tomorrow I will know the fate of my truck. Either it is totaled, or fixable… I don’t know how I will move forward yet. But soon, I hope to get some answers. The picture is of the Maneaters of Tsavo. They are displayed at the Field Museum. They ate an estimated 135 or so people in less than a year, holding up the construction of a railroad.
My situation could be worse.